The Day My World Shattered

Today is two weeks to the day that my world shattered.


My life was great I was 19 weeks pregnant with my baby girl who was to be the completion of my perfect family 2girls and 2 boys. Who could have asked for more?

Now I am in limbo...

Most of the time not knowing how to feel or act and just wanting to wake up from this nightmare.

It was a Tuesday and I had a routine doctors appointment, 2 weeks earlier I had found out that we were expecting a baby girl which we were all very excited about, she was perfect had ten little toes and ten little fingers and a strong heartbeat. My three kids and I walked out of the scan excited and happy that we had our little girl.

But that was all to change on this Tuesday that I would never forget no matter how much I wished it had never happened.

I had dropped my three kids of at there Nana's while I went and done the shopping and then of to my doctors appointment, I was excited because I knew every appointment lead me that much closer to having my little girl in my arms and to hear her heartbeat was just magical, but that was not to happen this time.

My doctor had told me that they had found somethings on the scan that may be of concern to me but that at this stage they were not to worried as there was nothing else to coincide with it to warrant concern and as I had also heard the same things with my youngest son I wasn't concerned as he is perfect. She did however tell me that I may be in for a c-section because of my placenta lying in the way and I was worried about that I had never had one before and was not looking forward to it. If only that was all that was wrong I would have gone through anything now other then having to go through this.

Then came the time when we got to listen to her heartbeat and I couldn't wait, but the Doctor was having trouble finding it. I asked if that was a bad thing did that mean that something was wrong she told me not necessarily and she didn't seem worried at all. She then went out and got an ultrasound machine and I remember talking to my baby girl asking her to move and I think somewhere deep inside knew that she wasn't ok,Then Doctor came back in with the machine and that is when I seen my baby girl on the screen to me she looked perfect she was facing us with her little hand up at her chin, just beautiful to see. But then came the words I can't get out of my head

"I'm Sorry I can't find her heartbeat".

I was in shock I didn't cry at first just sat there thinking... what do you mean, I can see her there she is ok you must be wrong check again. But as much as I wished it wasn't true it was and I just crumbled could not control the crying after that.

This was one of the hardest days of my life and sadly not the last.




Amanda