Life at the moment is getting really hard

So I got news yesterday that my older sisters cancer has come back and it really bloody sucks . It sucked the first time and now it sucks 100 times more but I have hope that like the first time she will get through this she has to I'm counting on her to.

I guess I'm writing about this here because I find it hard to talk to her about it and I know that she will read this at some point, I wish I could talk to her about it but its just so hard I tell her how much I love and but I don't know that she really knows how much and how much it would kill me if she wasn't here, she has been my rock through so many things in my life and I know if she wasn't here when I lost Emily I don't know that I couldn't have coped.

It kills me when I hear that she hates doing the chemo and that she doesn't want to do it anymore but that chemo that she hates so much is what is keeping her here with me so her wanting to stop that is like she is giving up and I can't comprehend that.

Just to give you a little insight of the kind of person that my big sister is she has always excelled at everything that she puts her mind to she has always been the best at everything she does and she is a very strong person and to see someone that I look up to so very much hurting like this is unbelievably frustrating, I feel helpless here and her being there, I have know idea what I can do for her, I just wish that this had never happen to her, why did it have to happen to her.

Well anyway that's whats going on right now I really hope one day that I can write some happy news in this space.

And to you Sonia I say exactly what you said to me the day I had Emily

YOU ARE STRONG AND YOU CAN DO THIS

I Love you more then you can imagine so please don't give up

Your little sister